Overcoming Negative Self-Talk, Together

In the realm of leadership advice, women are often encouraged to embody traits like resilience, innovation, and collaboration. However, there's a crucial aspect that often gets overlooked: the internal battle against negative self-talk that so many of us struggle with inside. This relentless inner critic can hinder a leaders' growth and potential. To truly empower women in leadership roles, it's essential for organizations to create a community that fosters self-awareness and supports them in overcoming their inner critic. But we all know, our organizations (or homes) aren’t always the healthiest place to be. So how can we be sure we are looking to join the right spot or creating a safe place for ourselves?

For many female executives, proving themselves in male-dominated environments is a constant struggle. The pressure to demonstrate their value can lead to stress, burnout, and imposter syndrome—all fueled by negative self-talk. This internal dialogue of self-doubt and criticism often stems from societal norms and past experiences, creating barriers to success. In my personal situation, I pulled out and showcased all of my most masculine traits to ‘win’ in my corporate roles, shelving my more feminine attributes. This left me feeling isolated and lonely, because I didn’t feel like anyone saw me for who I really was. Women disliked me because of my tough shell. But they didn’t see me as a mom, wife, and girlfriend. And men liked me because I was a ‘guy’s gal’, easy to be around with thick skin. But there were so many things about me that I put on the back burner in these situations (like my love of pretty fingernails, accessories, my passion for breastfeeding, lip gloss and so many other things) because it wasn’t relatable nor was it welcomed.

Fortunately, the journey to conquer negative self-talk doesn't have to be a solitary one. Organizations can play a pivotal role in supporting women leaders through this transformative process. Here are three steps they can take:

Promote Psychological Safety: Establishing a culture of psychological safety is paramount. This involves creating spaces where women leaders feel comfortable expressing their concerns, seeking feedback, and sharing experiences without fear of judgment. Inclusive communication practices, empathy training, and civility-focused leadership programs can lay the foundation for open and honest dialogue about internal challenges.

Provide Personal Guidance: Offering personalized support through civil dialogue can be immensely beneficial. I don’t love using the word ‘civil’ right now, but it’s a buzzword and it’s fitting. Pairing women leaders with experienced coaches, mentors, or sponsors can provide valuable guidance and perspective. These relationships offer a safe space for reflection and growth, empowering leaders to navigate their inner critic effectively.

Offer Tailored Leadership Development: Recognizing and addressing women's unique needs in leadership development is crucial. Tailored programs should facilitate dialogue about internal challenges and empower women to overcome their inner critic collectively. By focusing on building resilience and self-awareness, these initiatives can equip women leaders with the tools they need to thrive.

Empowering women leaders isn't just about outward achievements; it's also about nurturing their inner strength and resilience. By fostering a supportive community that tackles negative self-talk head-on, organizations can cultivate a new generation of confident and empowered women leaders. Together, we can break down the barriers that hold women back and create a more inclusive and equitable future.

But, as I mentioned, not all organizations care about this. When that’s the case, what’s a gal to do? Ensuring that women are in a healthy environment conducive to their growth and well-being is paramount for their professional success and personal fulfillment. Here are some ways women can assess their work environment and recognize when it may be time to move on:

Evaluate the Organizational Culture: Pay attention to the culture of the organization. Is there genuine support for diversity, inclusion, and women's advancement? Are there opportunities for professional development and mentorship? A healthy culture encourages open communication, values diverse perspectives, and provides avenues for growth. And buyer beware – if you are the first female leader at the table, be aware you may have been hired to be the token girl in some EEOC data set. If you’re like me, you’ll say – it doesn’t matter. I’ll show them how valuable I am. And that’s not a bad thing. That said, you may get left out of the ‘guy’s’ golf and fly-fishing trips like I did, likely because I am a woman. Yes, that happened.

Assess Work-Life Balance: Take stock of your work-life balance. Is the workload manageable, or do you constantly feel overwhelmed? Does the organization prioritize employee well-being, offering flexibility and support for personal needs? A healthy environment respects boundaries and promotes a sustainable balance between work and personal life.

Consider Growth Opportunities: Reflect on your growth trajectory within the organization. Are there opportunities for advancement and skill development? Does the organization invest in training and career progression? A healthy environment fosters growth and empowers individuals to reach their full potential. And a telltale sign – are the female leaders currently in the ranks, or would you be the first? It’s not horrible to be the first, but if there’s no one already there in that seat, be aware that blazing a trail can be painful at times. I’ve done it over and over again, and while I made the money and got the title I wanted, I also lost a lot and experienced pain and heartache along the way.

Observe Leadership Dynamics: Pay attention to the leadership dynamics within the organization. Are leaders supportive and inclusive, or do they perpetuate a toxic or hostile environment? Do they champion diversity and equitable practices? Strong and ethical leadership is crucial for maintaining a healthy work environment. This isn’t about bad intentions. It may just be about ignorance. Either way, it’s difficult to navigate, so proceed with caution.

Monitor Your Well-Being: Listen to your intuition and monitor your well-being. Do you feel valued and respected, or do you experience constant stress and negativity? Trust your instincts and recognize when your mental and emotional health are at risk. Your well-being should never be compromised for the sake of a job. If you don’t feel valued, you probably aren’t.

As for recognizing when it's time to move on, here are some signs:

Persistent Unhappiness: If you consistently feel unhappy, unfulfilled, or undervalued despite efforts to improve your situation, it may be a sign that the environment is not conducive to your well-being.

Stagnation: If you find yourself stagnating professionally, with limited opportunities for growth or advancement, it may be time to seek new challenges elsewhere.

Values Misalignment: If there is a fundamental mismatch between your values and those of the organization, such as ethical concerns or a lack of alignment with the company's mission, it may be difficult to thrive in that environment.

Toxic Dynamics: If the workplace is characterized by toxic behaviors, such as bullying, harassment, or discrimination, and there are no meaningful efforts to address these issues, it may be necessary to prioritize your mental and emotional health by leaving. And if you’re a strong female reading this, you know breaking gender stereotypes doesn’t just bring issues from men. Actually, I’ve experienced issues with females just as often if not more than males when I’m stepping outside the professional woman box. I’ve been bullied more frequently by women. Men are typically not intentional, but still a barrier at times in this area.

Lack of Support: If you consistently lack support from leadership or colleagues, and efforts to address concerns are met with indifference or resistance, it may be a sign that the environment is not conducive to your success.

Ultimately, trusting your instincts, prioritizing your well-being, and recognizing when it's time to move on are essential for navigating your career journey and finding fulfillment in your professional life. I have held on far too long in the past. There are reasons for it, but it’s a deeper hole to dig yourself out of emotionally in the long run, and your spouse and kids can feel it. I can’t stress enough how important it is to deeply think about this topic. And if there’s anything I can do to help, just reach out.