The Unseen Battles

Nov 8

As a Marine spouse, I’ve learned that walking alongside someone who carries invisible wounds—trauma, PTSD, and survivor's guilt—requires a strength I never knew I had. It’s not always easy, but it’s deeply rewarding and profoundly transformative. Here are some lessons I’ve learned in this journey of growth, resilience, and love:

1. Understanding PTSD and Survivor’s Guilt

Trauma is a Part of Their Story, Not Their Whole Identity
PTSD and Survivor's Guilt can overshadow everything, but they don’t define who a person is. I know my husband is still the brave, loyal, and capable person I fell in love with, even when his struggles feel overwhelming.
Survivor’s Guilt Is Rooted in Their Deep Sense of Honor
When someone has survived what others did not, it’s often because of their immense loyalty to their brothers and sisters in arms. Understanding that guilt is often tied to their sense of responsibility has helped me approach it with compassion rather than frustration.

Tips:

Remind them that their survival wasn’t random—it’s a responsibility to live well, honor those they’ve lost, and share their legacy with the world.
Acknowledge their feelings without minimizing them: “I see the weight you carry, and I’m here to carry it with you.”

2. The Power of Presence

Sometimes Words Aren’t Necessary
There are days when silence is the only way my husband knows how to process. My quiet presence can be enough to remind him he's not alone.

Be Patient, Even When It’s Hard
Healing takes time. Some days feel like steps forward; others feel like setbacks. Our steady support and understanding creates a foundation of safety that allows others to open up when they’re ready.

Tips:

Celebrate small victories: “You did something really brave by talking about that today.”
Offer gentle reminders that you’re proud of their progress, even when they can’t see it themselves.

3. Self-Care Is Non-Negotiable

You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
Caring for someone with PTSD or other trauma can be emotionally and physically draining. Prioritizing my own mental health through therapy, support groups, or quiet time for reflection has been key. When I take care of myself, I'm better equipped to care for others.

Model Resilience for Your Children
If you have children, like a son who looks up to their Marine parent like in our home, it’s essential to show them what strength, love, and resilience looks like. By taking care of myself, I’m teaching my child the importance of balance and self-respect.

Tips:

Remember that you’re not responsible for “fixing” anyone. Your role is to support, not solve.
Find moments of joy and connection that nourish your spirit.

4. The Strength Being Married to a Service Member Brings

Marrying a Marine Means Marrying Resilience
Many of us have faced situations most people can’t imagine. While the burdens others carry are heavy, the lessons they’ve learned—discipline, loyalty, and perseverance—can be a source of strength in your relationship.

My Son Will Learn to Honor Courage
Being raised by a Marine father and a strong, loving mother is teaching our son values that will guide him for life: courage, sacrifice, and the importance of standing by those you love. He’s growing up knowing that even the strongest men need support, and that true bravery is asking for help when you need it.

Tips:

Share stories about their father’s bravery and the strength it took to keep moving forward, even in the face of hardship.
Teach your child that vulnerability is part of courage and that their parent’s struggles don’t diminish their heroism—they enhance it.

5. Hope and Healing Are Possible

Therapy and Support Work
Healing isn’t linear, but with the right tools, we or our partners can find peace. Therapy, faith, and community support are all essential pieces of the puzzle.

Faith and Family Can Be Anchors
Lean on faith if it’s part of your journey. It’s a huge part of ours. Faith provides hope, and family provides the motivation to keep going.

Tips:

Reassure those struggling that seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness but a sign of courage.
Celebrate the milestones, no matter how small. Healing comes in moments, not just milestones.

Whether its service related or not, many of us have struggled with trauma of some sort, so I find my thoughts relate to many. Don't feel like your situation is less because it's not tied to military service. We are all on life's battlefield and need the support and encouragement of others.

Sending love,

Kerri